Friday, October 7, 2011

Sound-proof room

When I was in the 6th grade my parents decided to move and at the time I felt that they bought the coolest house ever because it had a sound proof room in the basement. The people who had lived in the house before us had a son who fancied himself a recording artist and had a studio in the basement. Now it definitely wasn't RCA studios (it had carpet on the walls) but it worked. If you closed the door and screamed real loud, no one could hear you. It was awesome when my sister and I were playing flashlight tag with our friends on a rainy day.
I would give anything right now to have one minute in that room. I just want to scream and yell and kick ..... a tire or something. I am so mad and upset lately. It seems that nothing can go as I plan. I've tried all kinds of conventional and non-conventional fertility treatments and still nothing works. Some days I'm ok with it and other days I start my period or hear that someone I know is "pregnant again."
How do I get through this? It's hard to take a deep breath or move forward with the next plan. I'm not used to giving up and I don't want to do it now but I don't know how much more I can take. I may not be suitable for public either because I feel like I could blow at any minute. Watch out or I may spew all over you.