Why?

Why do we have to keep going through this over and over again? For 6 wonderful weeks we were pregnant and I finally felt like I belonged. Belonged in the club known as motherhood until it was torn away again. I question myself everyday: Did I do something wrong? Did I not rest enough? Did I eat something I shouldn't have? Did I not eat enough? What is wrong with my body that I can't get pregnant on my own or carry a baby to full term?

Jason and I are questioning ourselves now thinking maybe we have gotten pregnant on our own but my body rejects it before it settles in. Maybe like Monica on Friends, I have a hostile environment and I attack our babies. How do you even find out if that is the case?

I know tons of women go through miscarriages but haven't we gone through enough. Can't we catch a break somewhere. I feel so defective. The worst is the pitying looks we get from everyone. We were so excited when we found out we were pregnant that we told too many people instead of waiting the 12 weeks that is recommended and now we have to tell them that it is gone.

I still dream of getting pregnant on our own but still know that the odds are against us.